


Of Uncertain Love

by fortaelleren



Category: Vikings (TV)
Genre: Developing Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Made For Each Other, Religious Conflict, Torvi is an angel, mentioned sex, not as slow burn as I wanted, the series moves too fast
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2020-01-23 21:55:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18558646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fortaelleren/pseuds/fortaelleren
Summary: Ubbe has always been so sure of himself, who he is and what he wants. But after their arrival at Wessex, Ubbe has to face an uncertainty about his desires for the woman he loves and the young King Alfred.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Next to own scenes and conversation, I added the original scenes with the exact coversations to this works

Ubbe felt the rage within him, a seething fire waiting to be released to burn everything around him.  
He was angry with Lagertha for trusting the Bishop in her foolish blindness of love. The very man who had him beaten month ago after the battle of York when Ubbe and his brother Hvitserk had tried to elaborate a peace treaty with the King of Wessex.  
He was also angry with Bjorn, who might not agree with his mother’s decision but didn’t speak against her as well.  
And at last, he was angry with himself for believing the Bishop to the slightest extend, for not listening to his own heart and head and for not being able change their situation. They were trapped in a vaulted cellar beneath the castle of the English men, waiting for their verdict to be executed by dawn.  
The chains against Ubbe’s skin felt hot, reminding him of a tale his mother had told him about the dwarven chain Gleipnir and how it bound the monstrous Fenriswolf to its bones. Ubbe deeply hoped that he won’t stay chained forever until the Fate of the gods, Ragnarök, would come upon their world.  
The anger within him grew with the realization that their lives dependent on the mercy of a king that couldn’t even understand the anguish that would come with dying through execution by men that believed in a different god. How could any of them reach Valhalla if they haven’t fought and died in a glorious battle to defend their home and families?  
Yes, Ubbe was afraid to die, afraid to die without having made a name for himself.  
.  
They had been taken to an audience with the king in his throne room, and Ubbe would lie if he’d say that he wasn’t nervous. But upon seeing the young man sitting on his throne, Ubbe suddenly relaxed. This king seemed not harmful to him, not a man born to be fighter but a politician.  
“I’m aware of who you are.”, the boy began to talk with a calm and calculating voice. “I am not foolish enough not to recognize your potential for my kingdom, if you were willing to fight with us against the armies of your countrymen.” His eyes fell on Ubbe for a short time, making the Viking smile in sheer disbelief. Even though Ubbe knew they had to compromise to stay alive.  
“We may. On the condition that you allow us to settle in the part of East Anglia King Ecbert gave to us.”, Bjorn answered steadfast. Ubbe watched his older brother, seeing the abhorrence in his face.  
“I have every intention of honoring my grandfather’s pledges. But first you must demonstrate your worth and your loyalty to our case, in battle.”, the king replied sounding truthful as far as Ubbe could judge the young man. Bjorn scoffed at this remark.  
“We have a legal right to that land.” By now, everyone could hear the anger growing in Bjorn for he was too stubborn to successfully negotiate.  
“We accept your offer.”, Lagertha interfered, aware of her son’s temper. Yet, Ubbe was surprised by her answer. Committing to the king’s orders could be worse than being alone in enemy country.  
“I’m glad. It was Bishop Heahmund who proposed this solution which seemed to me wise.” Ubbe saw the priest nodding towards Lagertha as a sign of respect. “So as long as we are allies and friends, you are free to use the royal villa as you wish. My servants are also your servants. My kitchen and cellars are there for your use. I believe you have two young children with you.” The king looked at Torvi who nodded for affirmation. “Let us have a care for them also.” Torvi thanked him grateful, she had been worrying so much for her children. “We have fought against you and now we shall fight together, with you.” A man approached Ubbe to release him from his chains. The Viking offered his bonded hands without turning his gaze away from the king. He couldn’t quite sort the young man for it surprised him how generous he offered the Northmen a home and food. Of course, Ubbe was suspicious, knowing that what was given to him, could be taken away in the very next moment, but he hoped, still, for a true ally in king Alfred.  
“I know my grandfather, King Ecbert, would approve, for I know the love he bore King Ragnar.”, the king added, watching the Northmen getting freed. Ubbe examined him one last time, the lean figure of the boy covered by brocaded clothes and robes, valiant eyes only giving away little of the intelligence that was hidden behind them, and the way he moved head and lips to appear sophisticated, graceful even at this young age. Ubbe wondered how such a slender boy could have become king of such a big country without having to fight off all his opponents, even his brother seemed more if a warrior. But the Viking knew, that Alfred had given them a chance to survive, to regrow their strength and to maybe receive the land that Ragnar Lothbrok once wanted to cultivate. They might could finally fulfill their father’s dream. With that promising thoughts, Ubbe retreated with his friends, leaving the throne room and the king behind.  
.  
Ubbe stood behind the king, watching his back while his brother Bjorn spoke to him about the land they were promised.  
“If you recall, I said you would have to prove your value to us first.”, the boy said to Bjorn.  
“We don’t have to prove anything! We have the legal right!”, Bjorn shouted angered. “Here, signed by King Ecbert in our presence!” Ubbe stepped closer to the king, handing him the paper Bjorn was talking about. He tapped on the wax seal to prove his point, leaning in over the table and near to Alfred who now looked at him.  
“My grandfather had no authority to grant you any land. He had already relinquished the throne to my father who was crowned here a few days before you arrived” Ubbe saw honesty in the boy’s eyes, maybe a little helplessness too.  
“So, it was all just a lie?”, Bjorn asked dangerously calm. Alfred sighed defeated, knowing that this farce was no good beginning for this alliance.  
“But now, you are king.”, Ubbe finally said, starting to move around, grabbing a feather and ink, and giving it to the king. “So, you can sign it over to us and you can grant us those lands right now.” He looked down at the young man who seemed torn in his decision.  
“In theory, yes, I could.”, he only answered.  
“What does that meant?”, Bjorn replied immediately, making no effort in hiding his rage for being betrayed.  
“There are important people here who do not want me to grant lands to those who, in the past, have attacked and raided us.”, the king tried to defend himself.  
“So, why would we fight for you, when everything you say is just a lie?”, Ubbe argued, feeling the same anger as Bjorn.  
“I am not lying.”, Alfred looked him dead serious in the eye. “I’ve been more honest with you than you’ve any right to expect! You have thrown yourself upon my mercy! So, do not presume anymore upon my charity.” Alfred stood up. “When I can, I will grant you that land.” Ubbe looked at him, trying to figure out how much he could trust this boy. The king was right about their situation at his mercy, pledging to his will of keeping them alive, and Ubbe was certain that Alfred had no intentions in actually killing the Northmen. Therefore, he was too smart, too diplomatic, to waste the chance of an alliance with his enemies if it was to his advantage. To an extent, Ubbe felt reminded of his brother Ivar who also was more of a strategist than a warrior, yet, lucky them, Alfred wasn’t half as insane as his brother. Ubbe decided to keep quiet, to watch and the to weigh up their options.  
“In the meantime, I must go and meet my future wife.”, the king said as a goodbye and left the two Vikings alone. Ubbe leaned on his arms over a chair and watched Alfred go before his eyes felt on Bjorn. His brother looked at him in silence, clearly thinking about their next steps. But only time would bring them answers.  
.  
As already announced by Alfred in their short meeting, Ubbe and Bjorn met with Lagertha and Torvi in a hall filled with people to attend a dinner. Ubbe felt uncomfortable surrounded by all these Christians who judged them purely for their appearance and different beliefs.  
It was quiet, nothing compared to the feasts held back at home in Kattegat when a wedding would be announced.  
Ubbe sat at a table, ate in Torvi’s presence, listening to what she had to say but kept his eyes on the king. How the boy seated on his throne, talking to his brother. The young face wrinkled by what he heard from the men next to him. For a moment, Ubbe couldn’t help himself but admire the fair appearance of the him, the curled, black hair, the dark lively eyes and the pure lineaments on his face making him look too innocent to be a king. And even though Ubbe wasn’t much older, he felt that Alfred was far too young to marry, to bound himself to yet another burden, especially since he didn’t even know the princess sitting next to him.  
Ubbe felt pity for him, just a little bit. And he felt something else, deep in his guts, something he couldn’t quite name yet.  
.  
After a great breakfast, the next day, Ubbe and Torvi decided to train their fighting skills, fully aware of all the watchful people.  
Ubbe felt great this day, not tired anymore, fed and strong again. He enjoyed his fight with Torvi who has grown to a strong warrior just like him, and for that he admired her even more.  
They were a great pair, a fitting couple, and Ubbe was sure that Torvi would be the right one to be the mother of his children. She was a warm, heartful yet fierce woman, every Viking could only hope for such a wife. But Ubbe felt the restraint within him to officially marry her because his desires differed greatly from what he knew he should want and need. Ubbe loved Torvi, he really, truly did, there was just an uncertainty about a longing for a man he only recently met. A man he wanted just because he thought him pretty, a man he couldn’t have because he was a king, a man Ubbe felt bad to desire because Torvi deserved so, so much better.  
He had lay awake the whole night, thinking about the past few days, knowing that his cravings could cost their lives. Also, Ubbe felt strange to desire someone he actually didn’t know the slightest, apart from the obvious. The gods had to test him, why else, he should feel so torn, whenever he thought of the King of Wessex.  
.  
He had been called for a meeting with Alfred, alone. And as much as Ubbe felt not to go, to wait for Bjorn or Torvi or even Lagertha to accompany him, he couldn’t help himself but feeling giddy.  
He entered the room quietly, closing the door carefully and approaching the king who stood near the fireplace. The boy turned around, his eyes radiated layers of sadness, uncertainty and shyness, completely different to the last time they have met. Ubbe examined him again, waiting for him to speak. He furrowed his brows, not sure what to do or to say, something wasn’t right.  
“You asked to see me.”, the Viking then said as to show Alfred that he should talk and not Ubbe himself.  
“Yes.”, the king seemed to have left his trance, moving to a table nearby. “Please, sit.”, he offered but Ubbe remained standing. “Some wine?” Ubbe shook his head, he really didn’t want to make this meeting last longer than needed for he knew his desire would grow, especially now that they were alone. Alfred cleared his throat.  
“I think your brother Bjorn has set his heart against me.”, the young man began to talk.  
“He feels… betrayed.”, Ubbe answered carefully.  
“I understand that. But what can I do? It was not my doing. And for the time being, is it not easy for me to grant you those lands again. Many are against it.” Ubbe almost rolled his eyes, the debate about their lands was really nerving.  
“So, what are we supposed to do?”, he asked, showing a fake grin.  
“A consilium. You could publicly renounce your pagan gods and be baptized as a Christian.”, Alfred proffered, calm and honest. The despair in his eyes made Ubbe think.  
“I can’t imagine Bjorn would ever agree to that.”, he answered truthfully, turning around to leave before Alfred could manage to lure him into something that would definitely split the brothers.  
“I am not talking about Bjorn”, the king called. “but about you.” Ubbe stopped, he couldn’t refuse the boy. Flames of anger for himself grew within him again for being so foolish but he turned around anyway, remembering how easily Lagertha trusted Heahmund after the had you admitted their feelings. This was also not long after they first had met.  
Alfred gave him a cup of wine before both settled down opposite from each other.  
“You do that for me, Ubbe,” Alfred began, emphasizing the Viking’s name which made Ubbe straighten his back. “and a part of my burden is lifted. Ragnar talked to me when I was a boy. And he talked about your people, my people, sharing the land. And I think that, of all his sons, you are the closest to him.” Ubbe watched the king talk, his chest tightening with every word because he knew that Alfred only wanted to convince him for his matters, yet he wanted the words to be truthful. “He told my grandfather that he no longer believed in your gods.” Ubbe exhaled calmly as he heard those last words for, he knew his father had had a Christian friend whom he might had loved the most of all, but it still didn’t seem right to say this about Ragnar.  
“That is not true.”, Ubbe answered firm.  
“My grandfather told me everything. He wanted to prepare me for times such as this. And he loved your father. I know that. Your father’s death broke him. Destroyed him.”, Alfred carried on. To his own distaste, Ubbe knew that the king was right. He had heard the same stories, never wanting to believe them. His father had been a curious man who loved to learn, and he had been a discoverer, maybe he had discovered this belief in a new god for himself along his journey.  
Ubbe lifted his weight forward on his arms when he stood up to lean towards the boy in front of him. They were so close now, Ubbe could tell Alfred’s eye color. The young man showed no movement, he wasn’t intimated by the Viking nor was he afraid of him. Ubbe peered at him, waiting a moment before talking to inspect the immaculate face. No scars slithered across his skin, his lips were full and rosy, he radiated pure innocence. Ubbe felt the twitch in his guts, he couldn’t stay any longer.  
“I will need time to think about what you have told me.”, the Viking finally said, turning to leave.  
“Ubbe.”, Alfred called for him again. “I value you; I know it doesn't seem like I do but I know you are a man that decides with heart. It would honor me, if we shared the same sides.” The king tried to truly smile. Ubbe bit his lower lip.  
“I… am grateful, thank you.”, he answered and for the slightest moment he wanted to reach out for the king because he needed to touch the smooth skin, needed to feel the soft lips against his. But he didn’t move. Ubbe left at the time, Alfred’s mother Judith entered the room through a door behind the king, finding her son flustered and agitated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this first part.  
> Leave me a comment or Kudos if you liked it and tell me what you think.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> couldn't wait too long to upload the next part

“Ubbe, do you want to fight?”, Torvi asked later that day because she could see how unsettled her lover was. Ubbe shook his head, he wouldn’t be concentrated anyway. His guilt ate him from inside, making him feel sick. Why did it have to be the great king Wessex whom he longed for? What plan did the gods have for him?   
They sat outside the royal villa, using the time for nothing since there wasn’t much to do in this foreign kingdom. Ubbe had a cloth in his hand, rubbing over his clean sword.  
“What is on your mind?”, Torvi placed her hand over his to make him stop.  
“Nothing.”  
“I am not a fool, Ubbe, I can see it.”  
“You are a great woman, Torvi. And I thank the gods that they have given you to me but lately I feel desires for someone which are wrong.” Ubbe looked at her, showing his inner pain.  
“You’ve found another woman?”  
“No, not a woman.”  
“Then a man?”  
“Yes.”  
“Why is it wrong?” Ubbe huffed at her response, she was too kind even after being treated like shit ever so often in her life.  
“Because I want you as the mother of my children, I want you as my woman, and I feel like cheating on you by just thinking of my odd desire.”  
“Ubbe, no one can control the desires of their flesh. I know you’re honest, I know you don’t want to hurt me, and I know that we will have a family. But if you long for someone else then there is nothing I could do; I won’t chain you because you are free man. I love you, Ubbe, I trust you. And after all, there things a woman can’t give a man who also desires other men.”, the blonde shield maiden smiled, reaching out for Ubbe’s face to stroke his cheek lovingly.  
“It’s just him, no one else.”, Ubbe replied silently. “I love you, Torvi. I am torn inside, guilty, angry but I can’t change. I don’t want to hurt you.”  
“You are not. Besides, I don’t have to fear a man for stealing you.”  
“No, you don’t.”  
“Good.” She smiled again, honest and bright. Ubbe leaned in to give her a kiss, to show her that he still loved her even when his desires brought him elsewhere. “Now, stop making such a face.”  
.  
The news about Lord Cuthreds dead spread like a disease, and reached Ubbe when he was on his way to meet Alfred. Not because the king had asked to but because Ubbe wanted to. He needed certainty.  
But hearing prince Aethelred shouting beyond the door to Alfred’s room, Ubbe decided to retreat. He needed to know what happened before he could ruin his future with confronting the king about his feelings.

“King Alfred is in trouble. There are those here who want to overthrow him. They think he is weak. They don’t like the fact that he allows us to live here.”, Lagertha explained the current situation. Ubbe felt nervous about in which danger Alfred was.  
“But Bishop Heahmund promised he’d protect us.”, Bjorn mocked, lying on a bed.  
“He is in prison for murder and incapable of protecting anyone.” Bjorn rose disbelieving, even Torvi showed her frustration.   
“Perhaps we should never have come here.”, she said.  
“If we stayed in Norway, Torvi, we would all be dead by now.”, Lagertha replied.  
“It seems we are all at the mercy of circumstances beyond our control.”  
“We have to pray to the gods that the king overcomes his enemies.”  
“Pray? Is that all we can do? Pray?”, Bjorn asked disbelieving  
“No.”, Ubbe interfered, throwing the knife away he was handling before. “There is something else what we can do.” He looked up at his brother who signed him to continue. “The king has asked us to be baptized in the Christian faith.” Bjorn laughed. “That way he can appease his enemies. He will no longer supporting and harboring pagans but we would be fellow Christians.”, Ubbe explained the reasons for the king’s offering.  
“He asked you this personally?”  
“Yes.”  
“And did you tell him that there was no way that you would renounce our gods? Did you?” Ubbe shook his head so slightly that if Bjorn wouldn’t have watched him so careful, he surely would have missed it. “Our father is in Valhalla. He’s sitting beside the All-father. He’s sitting across from Thor. They are drinking together and they are happy together. Are you telling me that you don’t believe it?”, Bjorn spoke in a flash, getting angrier with every word.  
“I think what Ubbe meant… “, Torvi tried to calm her ex-husband, for she knew that Ubbe was torn between the king and his own kind.  
“Let Ubbe speak for himself!”, Bjorn interrupted her instantly. “What are you saying, Ubbe?”  
“Our father stopped believing it.”, Ubbe replied calmly, regretting it immediately. He had already made his decision, knowing how Bjorn would react but, in the end, he was just a man with desires.  
“Did king Alfred tell you that too?” Bjorn came closer. “And you actually believed him?” Ubbe didn’t answer, he had nothing to say besides ‘yes’. “Sometimes I wonder if you’re Ragnar’s son at all!”, Bjorn shouted frustrated, throwing away the cup he was holding before leaving the room. Ubbe made a grimace filled with revulsion, loathing and defeat. He has sided with a Christian because he longed for his flesh. Renouncing his gods wouldn’t anger them any further.  
.  
He sought for Alfred afterwards.  
The young king was still in the same room when Ubbe arrived. The Viking could see the nervousness and tiredness in Alfred’s eyes.  
“Have you made a decision? “  
“Yes, Torvi and I will accept your offer.”  
“Good, thank you.”, the king replied resentful.  
“I… have to say something.”, Ubbe started, shifting slightly on his feet.  
“Please, speak freely.”  
“I do want to support your cause in battle, I am grateful for everything you have given to us but I am just a man.”, he explained, carefully choosing his words.  
“I do not understand?”  
“I… have desires.”  
“Everything you want.”  
“It’s not that easy. I have a wife, not yet but soon, Torvi, and I do love her but I can’t stop longing for… you.” Ubbe closed his eyes, feeling weak for the first time in his life, vulnerable to his former enemy.  
“You desire me?”, Alfred asked, his gaze met Ubbe’s when he stood up to approach the Viking.  
“I do and I am sorry.”  
“Don’t be.” Alfred stopped in front of him, only a step away, watching him. The young king reached out, only offering his hand to see what the other will do. Ubbe took it, feeling the slender fingers and the smooth skin, completely different to his own rough hands. He pressed his palm against Alfred’s, finger on finger, revealing that Ubbe’s hand was just a bit bigger. Alfred watched him as Ubbe linked their fingers. The king’s breath was shallow, he came a bit closer.  
“I also feel for you.”, he simply said. “Give it time, please. My mind is troubled, my heart is aching and I have so much to think about I hardly want to fail you.” Ubbe could see the insecurity on Alfred’s face, a slight red blush on cheek and nose. He wanted to kiss him. But he would give the young his needed time. He nodded accepting. “Thank you.” Alfred lowered their interfered hands and gave the Viking a shy hug. It was a beginning at least.  
.  
King Alfred had called for a meeting with every Lord of his kingdom to make his announcements. Declaring Bishop Heahmund to receive his bishopric of Sherborne, defending his decision in front of the furious men. Further he told them about his marriage with princess Elsewith to reduce the tensions.  
“There is one final matter.”, he announced. Ubbe and Torvi went to the throne upon being called. “Ubbe, the son of Ragnar Lothbrok, and his wife Torvi, have agreed to be baptized into our Christian faith.” Again, the men started clamoring, showing their clear distaste in this decision. Alfred rose from his throne, walking past Ubbe and shouting at the people to calm down. His reasoning behind the conversion didn’t seem to soothe the crowd the slightest.   
Ubbe felt sorry for the young king, for he tries to do the right thing, to help his country and his people yet he only met deaf ears which only listened to their own conservative thoughts. The Viking would try later to comfort the man, if he accepted.  
.  
It didn’t take long to arrange the baptism. Ubbe, wearing white, long clothes, stood next to Torvi at a river. Guards as well as lords surrounded them with priests, even Bjorn and Lagertha were present. Bishop Heahmund wore his traditional Christian dress again, being the one to perform the baptism. Ubbe felt strangely calm, considering the fact that this ceremony will end his beliefs in his gods, at least officially.  
When the king arrived, the priests bowed down to show their respect. Alfred nodded accepting before looking at Ubbe. Both knew about the depths of this decision and they didn’t dare to gaze at each other too long. Maybe, there was time later.  
“Before being received into God’s Holy Church, you must renounce your former errors.”, Heahmund started. Ubbe stared at the Bishop to find something he could concentrate on because he needed any kind of support.  
“I renounce my belief in Odin and all other pagan gods.”, Ubbe said, trying to stay strong.  
Torvi repeated after him.  
Heahmund stepped closer, reaching for Ubbe’s neck and blew his warm breath across the Viking’s forehead. And as much as he disliked the Bishop for what he had done to him and Hvitserk month ago, he felt oddly peaceful.  
“With my breath, I do exercise these evil spirits which inhabit you.”, Heahmund said, signed a cross in front of his body and spoke words Ubbe couldn’t understand. The Bishop did the same with Torvi.  
Bjorn, standing across Ubbe on a hill next to his mother, spit on the ground and strode away. Ubbe knew he had to talk to his brother for ages to soothe him again.  
The ceremony was seemingly over, so Ubbe turned to look at Alfred. Seeing his pretty face relaxing a little bit made him smile, and Alfred responded with a slight smile as well. Ubbe knew they just had strengthened the bond or whatever it was that they shared.   
.  
Right after the baptism, Ubbe and Torvi sat together in a small room of the royal villa, processing their new selves.  
Ubbe held two necklaces with a cross attached to each between his fingers, the filigree metal cold against his skin.  
“We have just been promised eternal life.”, he said to his wife who sat across from him.  
“I don’t feel any different. Do you?”, Torvi replied. Ubbe shrugged his shoulders.  
“We now have to wear these crosses, though.” He put one necklace around his own neck before walking over to Torvi to do the same. “It is said that our new God died on the cross for our sins.”  
“What sins?”  
“Well…”, Ubbe started and ended in an unhappy chuckle, for he certainly knew one sin that weighed on his soul. And if Torvi would think about their earlier conversation again, she would know it too.  
Ubbe returned to his chair. He felt uneasy in a way, unsure how to feel about himself in the Christian world, especially since any kind of love between men was forbidden there. How could a god that cared for his people forbid love?   
Ubbe played with his arm ring and took it off.  
“Now I do feel different.”, he said grunting.  
“Well, you can always wear it again.”, Torvi responded quickly, knowing about her husband’s inner disunity. Which is why Ubbe took the arm ring back and hid it in his boot. Torvi smiled at him reassuringly.  
That was when Alfred entered the room without knocking, being startled the moment he saw Torvi.  
“Oh, I am sorry, did I interrupt you?”, he said.  
“No, no, I was just about to leave.”, Torvi replied, still smiling when she saw the face Ubbe made as he saw the young king.  
“Yes, and Torvi, I never came to thank you personally for your sacrifice. I know it must have been hard to renounce the beliefs you had since birth.”  
“I trust Ubbe’s and your judgment, my king. It will be for the best for both parts.”  
“Of course, thank you.” Alfred nodded, then Torvi was gone.  
“What can I do for you?”, Ubbe asked.  
“I wanted to see you.”, Alfred answered shy. “I am going to marry tomorrow and I wanted to… be with you before I become a cheating man.” Ubbe stood up and approached the king carefully slow.  
“Do you love her?”, he asked calm.  
“Elsewith? I hardly know her and the marriage was an arrangement by my mother.”, Alfred considered, clearly thinking about Ubbe’s question.  
“Is it cheating then?”   
“I… don’t know.”, the king admitted, staring into Ubbe’s eyes, searching for help. “Do you love Torvi?”  
“I do.”  
“So, are you cheating?”  
“Maybe. She knows about my desires and she knows that I can be trusted. We will have a family even if I share the bed with another man.”, the Viking explained truthfully.  
“You mean, she allowed you to cheat?”  
“Again, is it cheating then?” Ubbe chuckled amused, Alfred was so naïve and young. He liked it.  
“I suppose not.” This time the king took a cautious step towards the Viking, asking for confirmation with his eyes. Ubbe nodded, letting the man in his personal space. “Ubbe, I have never felt any kind of desire for anyone but I feel for you.” He offered his hand, like he did a day ago. Ubbe pressed his own palm against it, never turning his gaze from the king. “I’ve never experienced love, I am a virgin in every way possible.”, Alfred confessed to let Ubbe know about his insecurities. “I want to please you but I don’t know how.”  
“There is no right or wrong.”, Ubbe said quietly, letting go of Alfred’s hand to reach for the younger man’s neck. The Viking’s calloused fingers felt the smooth skin beneath them, the thumb caressing the thin jawline.  
“Help me.”, Alfred exhaled and leaned into the touch a little. Ubbe admired his King’s face for a moment before he bowed his head to finally kiss Alfred, soft and hesitant for it was the younger man’s first kiss. Their lips felt hot and wet against each other, when Alfred reacted and returned the kiss. The king tried to get a hold on Ubbe’s clothes while trying to adjust to this new situation.  
The kiss didn’t last very long though, it left both men breathless.   
“I could do that again.”, Alfred smiled, relaxing in Ubbe’s grip.  
“Good.”, the Viking grinned and kissed him again. And it felt so good, so right that Ubbe wondered how any god could forbid it.


	3. Chapter 3

Later that day, after the dinner with the royalties of Wessex, Ubbe left the villa for a walk. He had never come to admire the beautiful landscape of the country; his attention has been somewhere else.  
Now, he sat on a horse and rode on a hill, not so far from the royal villa.  
He could see wide meadows, woods, a mountain in the distant, and a river slithering beyond them. England was not Norway but just as beautiful for its own details.  
Ubbe loved the nature, rough and pure, so different to any town or society. Only in the wilderness, he could really be sure that the gods existed, only they could have created something so beautiful. And as he saw the beauty of Wessex, he knew that the Christian god, his new god, had made this land too. He understood a little better, why the Christian people feared to sin if they god were to take away their paradise. Ubbe came to think about Alfred, how the young king was struggling with his feelings. The Viking didn’t wish for Alfred to be excluded from the afterlife that must be as wonderful as their country. Christians called it heaven; the Viking imagined it to be like Valhalla.  
Ubbe looked around, seeing another horse approaching.   
“Here you are.”, Alfred greeted him when he came in sight. He wore a plain robe with riding trousers, nothing extravagant with expensive decorations. It was the first time, Ubbe saw him so… normal, not as the great King but as the young man that he was. His black hair, silky and curled, bobbed up and down while his horse got slower and came to halt next to Ubbe.  
“Have you been searching for me?”, the Viking asked boldly, aware that he could talk more freely here outside the town.  
“Indeed, I did. Your wife told me you went away.”  
“You’ve found me.”  
“I see. What were you doing? I don’t want to bother you if it’s something important.”  
“You could never bother me.”, Ubbe smiled. “I went to see your kingdom, it’s really beautiful.”  
“Sadly, I don’t have enough time to appreciate it.”  
“There will come time. Our god made this land, he surely will grant you many opportunities in the future to appreciate it.” Ubbe carefully chose his words about the Christian god as he wanted to show his king that he was serious about the baptism.  
“I hope so. How are you? I’ve seen your uneasiness during the dinner.” Alfred turned to look at him while both rode towards a small wood near the river.  
“I thought about our kiss.”  
“I did too, surely princess Elsewith had noticed my absent mind. I feel bad for her.”  
“Alfred, you are noble man. She will understand.”  
The river got bigger and ended in a small lake near the middle of the wood. It was quiet, a little cold but not dark. The setting sun threw enough light through the trees to envelop the forest into a peaceful atmosphere. A place that might be close to the Christian heaven, Ubbe imagined.  
They left their horses bound to a tree and went over to the shore of the lake.  
“I feel like the world has started to collapse. “, Alfred breathed. “I don’t know what to do anymore, my people are against me, my kingdom is torn and I… I am here, fleeing from my responsibilities.” The king looked weak, tired, too worn for such a young man. Ubbe reached for his face, cupping it with both hands.   
“So, I am just a distraction?”, he asked grinning, not wanting to sound rude.   
“No, that’s not what I meant. I- “  
“Oh, it’s fine, I would gladly be your escape from your duties.”, Ubbe interrupted him, leaning forward to kiss the younger man. Alfred moved his lips immediately, relaxing between the Viking’s hands.   
“You confuse me, Ubbe Lothbrok.”, the king said between kisses. “I’ve never felt like this before.”  
“Is it bad?”  
“Absolutely not.”  
“Then let’s not stop.” Ubbe became more demanding, always minding Alfred’s reactions to never make him feel uncomfortable. The younger man on the other hand let everything happen because he desired just as much as the taller Viking whose rough hands traced down at the side of his fragile body. Alfred felt vulnerable yet overly secure in Ubbe’s embrace, therefore he stopped thinking for a while, only enjoying the sensation in his guts.   
.   
The wedding came faster than Ubbe had hoped for. He had spent the past evening with Alfred at the lake in the forest until complete darkness had surrounded them, forcing them to return to the royal villa. Even there, they had spared time for each other before separating their ways for their bedrooms late at night.   
Now, Ubbe was merely tired while he watched the wedding ceremony held for Alfred and princess Elsewith. He could only see Alfred’s back but the few words the king spoke sounded rather monotonous to him. The marriage itself actually didn’t differ greatly from a traditional Viking one, just the atmosphere was completely different. Back at home, people would celebrate all day long, would drink and eat, would sing and dance, would sacrifice to the gods to bless the wedded pair. Here in Wessex, the folk was gathered in a hall, listening quietly to the Bishop performing the marriage. The Christian people were just as dreary as they were prude.   
Ubbe watched Alfred shift on his feet when they turned around to the crowd. The king held his wife’s hand, smiled without happiness, didn’t even kiss her. Ubbe knew he must be elsewhere with his mind. Perhaps he thought about the night before where he had gifted his virginity to Ubbe. Alfred’s eyes fell on the Viking as he scanned the people in front of him, and Ubbe felt the heat under his skin, the nervousness, as if everyone around him was suddenly aware of what he and the king had been doing the last days.  
“Ubbe.”, Torvi whispered besides him. She must have catched his uneasy breathing. His wife took his hand, soothed his fears. Ubbe squeezed her thin fingers, thankful for her aid.

When they were alone, him and Torvi, the blonde woman confronted Ubbe about his behavior.  
“Is king Alfred the man you desire?”, she asked calm.  
“Yes.”  
“And did you share his bed already? “  
“Not his bed.” Torvi considered her husband with a scrutinizing look before nodding.  
“It is dangerous, Ubbe. I mean what I said about trusting you and your decision but be careful.” She kissed Ubbe who easily responded to it. He was grateful that the gods had given her to him, maybe it had been their fate to acknowledge a new god during the journey of their lives.  
.  
Peace, as great as it was, never stayed for long. And as the news of King Harald’s upcoming arrival in Wessex, Ubbe as well as Torvi, Lagertha and Bjorn were called to meet king Alfred in his throne room.  
He was sitting there, in red robes between his mother and his brother, the queen nowhere to be seen.  
“I have some news.”, Alfred told them. “A large Viking army is sailing into Wessex. From reports I have heard, the leader of the army is King Harald Finehair, who, as you well know has visited us before. I agreed to give you refuge here, so long as, in return, you agreed to fight against your countrymen. Now the time has come.”  
Ubbe had his hands crossed in front of his body, standing in the middle of the crowd. All attention was on him as Alfred spoke.  
“You will work with my brother, Prince Aethelred, and Bishop Heahmund to devise a strategy to defeat Finehair’s army. If you refuse you will be killed. There will be no future here. No grant of land. Nothing.” Alfred’s eyes were serious enough to convince Ubbe of believing him. After all they have shared together, Alfred was still the king and he had to act in his folk’s interest first. Ubbe stared at the young man whom he’d come to admire so much. There was some kind of desperation between the firm words of threatening. The king needed in their support, Ubbe knew.  
“You must understand, and I think you do understand, that I’ve taken a huge personal risk to protect you. So, I pray that none of you will betray me now.” Alfred had risen from his throne to walk down to Ubbe, looking him straight in the eye, nearly intimidating.  
“I will not betray you.” Ubbe replied immediately for it was his honest thinking. Even if he wanted, he was too bound into this relationship with the king to be against him. “I will fight for you against King Harald.” Alfred acknowledged him silently, unnoticed by everyone else. Then the man looked at Bjorn, approached him to examine the oldest Ragnarsson.  
“What?”, the Viking blurted.  
“You cut your hair.”, Alfred stated. Ubbe watched them, something within him stinging like hundreds of bees. Don’t go this close, he thought.  
The sound of a gavel signaled the people to leave now, for the audience was over. Ubbe, too, went to leave but Alfred called for him.  
“Ubbe!” he turned around, closer to the king again. “I wanted to thank you.”, he said quietly as everybody was leaving, not paying attention to them. “And to ask you a favor.” Ubbe showed his confusion to Alfred who, in return, smiled shyly.  
“Of course.”  
“You are a great warrior; I want to ask you to teach me how to fight.”  
“Teach you?”  
“No one could do it better. After all, Finehair’s army will fight the same way like you learned to.”  
Ubbe snorted amused.  
“Fine, I will teach you.”  
.  
Later, they met in the same forest again, where they had been the past day. Ubbe had brought a diversity of weapons, being very excited to teach an Englishman the ways of Viking fighting.  
They were alone, just him and Alfred who wore almost casual clothes and who had cut his hair, making him look like a complete different man.  
“First lesson.”, Ubbe said, not waiting for Alfred to be ready with preparations. “Is not to be afraid. So, go and stand by the tree.”  
“Why?”, Alfred asked suspicious. “What are you going to do?”  
“You asked me to teach you how to fight. And I can teach you the ways in which to fight with a sword and ax or a shield to stay alive.” Ubbe took a few steps towards Alfred and took the metal side of his ax in hand to tip the wooden handle against the king’s head. “But if you are afraid, the you are already dead.” Ubbe grinned amused at the confused look Alfred gave him. “So, go stand by the tree.”  
Moments later, Alfred had taken his position, waiting for Ubbe to continue the lesson. The birds were chirping in the distant, the leafs crackled under their feet and a sparse fog wafted between the trees. Autumn had come over Wessex nearly two weeks ago, the land was getting colder by every day that passed now.  
Ubbe took his eyes from Alfred, rotated his chest a little; the he made a noise of effort and threw the ax in his hands so suddenly that Alfred’s reflexes nearly missed to react. The king bowed down as the weapon came to hold in the tree behind him with a thud. Their horses neighed agitated.  
Alfred looked at the ax before he turned to Ubbe to exclaim his name.  
“Do not be afraid.”, Ubbe responded. He would never hurt Alfred but the man wanted to learn the viking style of fighting, so Ubbe didn’t hold back to teach him the same way he himself had been taught.  
Ubbe threw another ax, this time Alfred didn’t look as surprised as before. It would take some time for the king to pick up the rather rough and merciless style of fighting, since he had only seen the way his Countrymen fought.

They trained until late noon.   
“You learn fast.”,Ubbe admitted when they sat together on the dry leafs, panting from the effort, exhausted after such a long time of not exercising at all.   
“You teach well.”, Alfred reasoned. Ubbe eyed the king, seeing the sharp profile and, of course, the short hair.  
“Why did you cut your hair?”, he asked, reaching for it. The black strands were still silky and soft but not the same.   
“Your brother gave me the idea. My long hair would only bother me in a fight.”  
“That’s no reason. Most vikings have long hair and most them are great warriors.”  
“I don’t like it then?” Alfred looked at him, taking Ubbe’s hand in his own.   
“They suited you but it is you decision.”  
“You don’t desire me less now?” Alfeed smiled.   
“Bold of you to assume that.” Ubbe crouched in front of the king, one hand on each side of Alfred’s body. The younger man had to lean back on his elbows als the viking came closer, almost laying on him. They kissed, soft and eager. This forest seemed to have an arousing effect on both of them, or Ubbe just couldn’t stop thinking about the king beneath him.   
“What we last night was amazing.”, Alfred breathed against the viking’s lips when they parted.   
“Did it prepare you for your husband duty? “, Ubbe asked.   
“Maybe a little but it was different. I felt better with you, and makes me feel guilty now. Elsewith doesn’t deserve this.”  
“I don’t want to take away your paradise.”, Ubbe said, sitting back on his heels to avoid to put his weight on Alfred’s slender legs.   
“I already made my decision, Ubbe. And it’s you I want.”   
Alfred straightened his back a little to kiss Ubbe again. The viking lost his balance, being so overwhelmend by Alfred’s confession, that both fell into the leafs.   
“How much time is left until dinner?”, Ubbe asked after recovering. He could see that Alfred understood what the viking had in mind, so the king grinned expectant.   
“Enough.”  
.  
The next day, Ubbe and Alfred trained again, they had sex again, they enjoyed the last bits of a peaceful again, before the king had to call in all his lords to announce the upcoming battle. In all this time, Ubbe haven’t seen of Queen Elsewith, and it made him think of how abandoned Torvi must felt. So, he joined his wife on a walk through the city to buy some of the last fruits the land had to offer since the days were getting colder.  
“I apologize for my absence.”, Ubbe said to his wife while she placed some apples in the basket he was holding.  
“I do understand. You’re training the king, it’s an honor, right?”, she smiled.  
“You know why he asked and not Bjorn or his great warrior Bishop.”  
“Ubbe, that he wants you to teach him, shows how much he values your abilities. What you’re doing together in bed, has nothing to do with it.”  
“Would it only be the bed once. My back would be grateful.” Torvi laughed at his remark, hitting his shoulder softly. “But Torvi, I promised you a family and that I would be a better husband than Bjorn. The longer we wait for a child, the more I feel guilty.”  
“Ubbe, there is a battle ahead of us, and I want to fight. Because we are to protect this country, if we fail there will be no land for us to raise our children. Don’t feel guilty.” She stroked his cheek and gave him a short, tender kiss.  
“I love you.”, Ubbe exhaled.  
“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I chose this open ending bc I might add something but rn this is the emd of this short fic.  
> I ended with Ubbe and Torvi having this conversation bc it's in my opinion the biggest barrier for the Ulfred relationship to happen. And no, I don't say Torvi should be removed lr anything. In favt, I love Torvi and I love how Ubbe treated her so lovingly, this is why I never intended to move her out of the frame of Ubbe’s character/ relationship development with Alfred.  
> I hope you liked it


End file.
